Comedy Central The Right to Get High - Workaholics

How to go to work high? 5 must know cheat codesūüí®ūüí®

Let's be honest about it, if you have a stressful job then getting high before work helps.¬†ūüėĄ Especially, if you suffer from anxiety. I know for me at least smoking before work helps me clear my mind and makes me feel like I'm a super human.

You see, some people can smoke a blunt and become Michael Jordan in their mind, and some people can smoke a blunt and become worthless.  Everything is in the eye of the beholder.  

Different cannabis effects people differently. Check out my blog on Sativa and Indica. I mention it because cannabis makes me a better worker. I'm more focused, relaxed and happy. 

 The problem is getting caught at work. Right!? That is the only thing you are worried about.  Shoot, you would go to work high too if you knew you wouldn't get caught.  Now, i'm not saying that everyone in every job should be stoned, i'm just saying that for certain people it actually makes them better at what they do.

Let's get into tips on how to go work high. These tips will certainly help you avoid getting caught at work.

Start the First Day High¬†‚ėÄ

One of the best tips I have to give you is to start your very first day of work stoned. You need to set the precedent. That's right your first day at work you need to be stoned. 
Let's do a little thought experiment. Think about your first day at work at your current and previous jobs. Think about how you dressed up, wore you best shirt and pants. Cleaned your shoes. You wanted to set a good impression. Set the precedent. 
 meeting at office
You see, If everyone in the office meets you on the first day and you are stoned, and you implement the below suggestions, then the preceding days after everyone in the office will just think that is the way you look. You must keep the element of professionalism. 
Professionalism in the corporate grind is key to success. No one knows what you are thinking unless you say it. So be professional. Talk to people at work about work related things.  Sometimes the words we use gives us away. 
So, on the first day make sure you are stoned and professional and you follow
the below suggestions. Remember in the matrix appearance is everything.

Stoned/Red Eye Drops¬†ūüĎÄ

The first thing you need to get is some Clear Eye. You can find it practically anywhere including gas stations, Walmart, Walgreen and local corner stores.

Clear Eye is a great! because the eyes are the biggest giveaway next to the smell. You have to be prepared to stare someone right back in the eyes and act like nothing has happen. As if you aren't stoned. People will often try to look at your eyes to see if you are stoned. Don't give them the chance to be suspicious.

Clear Eye Product

Now, when it comes to veteran stoner many of them don't use Clear Eye at work. Mostly because they have been smoking for so long that their eye no longer have that blown out look. Veteran stoner can be stoned out of their mind but still keep amazing composure. It ties back into the concept of professionalism. 

Smell Weed / Gum or Mints¬†ūüĎÉ

The smell of weed is the biggest giveaway. Dro has a strong smell and a very distinct smell.  Everyone who has ever been alive has at one time or another smelt weed.
So, believe me your managers know what weed smells like. You must be prepared for the smell. It is the single most important thing. 
Ozium Spray for smoking
You must get some strong spray and some gum or mints. There are literally hundreds of different kinds of sprays and colognes.  
Personally, I like using Ozium the Air Sanitizer. If you drive around and smoke then Ozium is the best choice.  It is a smoke eliminator. 
The best way to to go is to have Ozium in your car and some cologne for yourself. Heck, I have used Ozium as cologne lol.
You know the biggest giveaway is the smell so it is extremely important to be ready.  If they can't smell it on you then there is no reason to suspect anything. 
 Another but very important tip is to always have some kind of gum or mint before you speak to people. 
Since the smell is the biggest giveaway you don't want people to smell it on your breath.
For gum, I typically use anything that is very powerful and that breaks up bad breath quickly.  Minty gums are always a great choice. 
If you freshly spray yourself with Ozium/cologne and always have gums/mints, it will difficult for you to get caught at work. 

mentos chewing gum, Labeled for Reuse image from google

Just a quick general tip: on the way to work and during the last several minutes of the drive, roll down the windows and let the fresh take out the smoke. Then use Ozium for maximum effectiveness. 

Clean shaved with fresh clothes, Good Hygiene! 

You see, looks matters when it comes to the world. You boss and co workers will judge you on what you look like when they first meet you. And we all know that the first impression is a lasting impression. 

Get cleaned up and look like a stud. If you go in with fresh clean professional clothes, and a fresh clean shave and hair cut, there is no way your boss will think you are stoned. 

Remember...

  • you have taken Clear Eye
  • you have used¬†Ozium/cologne
  • you are chewing gum
  • you are freshly shaved with a nice hair cut
  • you have a professional attire¬†
Flicka-Labeled for reuse image, guy clean shave 
You must wash your hand. The hands are used to break up weed, twist joints, hold blunts, and pack bowls. So, 100% your hands will smell like weed.  Stop at a local gas station before work and wash them, or stop in the restroom before work starts and make sure your hands are clean and free from the smell of weed.
Now, everything on the outside is right. I say "outside" because there is no way someone can tell you are high from the "outside". The only way someone can tell you are high now is if you give yourself away.

You are what you think¬†ūüí°

Our words reveal what we are thinking. Speak about work at work. People don't know what you are thinking until you say something.  Don't give your boss or manager a chance to talk about anything to you other then work. The more professional you can keep it the better.

Situations are different, you and I know that. Some managers are cool and some aren't.  I play things on the safer side. I want my manager/boss to see me as the person who gets the work done and who is professional. Our livelihoods depend on this so I'd rather be safe then sorry. 

So many times I have been at work and thought the below thought.

IG-meme "Does Anyone know I'm high?"

Don't let your words give you away.  Stay professional, walk around with a happy smile and eagerness to help. Don't allow them to think you could be stoned.  Be useful, sincere, and be willing to go the extra mile. 
You manager/boss won't be thinking about if "Johnny" is stoned, but rather how great and productive he is.   
Companies care about how much value you are bringing to the table. Your performance matters most. 

You can do it tooūüĎĆ

There are probably tons of people who you work with that smoke too but don't want anyone to know. Especially at work.
If you come into work stoned off your ass, and you have followed the above suggestions there is no way someone will be able to tell you are high. 
Let's recap the 5 tips on how to go to work high. 
  1.  Start your first day high (set the tone)
  2.  Use Clear Eye 
  3. Use Ozium/cologne and gum/mints
  4. Good Hygiene
  5. Controlling your thoughts at work 
We know the smell is the biggest giveaway. If they smell it on you it's hard to debate it. You can't give them the chance to question you. 
The most important thing is too keep your cool. Don't be a rookie stoner who can't hold his weed too well and gives himself away.  Be the veteran stoner who has poise in the face of any situation. 

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